I’ve struggled with low self esteem all my life. Never once have I not heard voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough, how fat I am and how I’m a disgusting unlovable mess. Then anorexia hit me in 2013, before bulimia did.
Throughout these years I also experienced suicidal behaviours, anxiety, depression and inflicted self-harm on myself. Things were so bad I couldn’t function like a normal human being anymore. I refused to move and I would
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When I was younger, I was hit by wave after wave of insecurity because I didn’t grow up in exactly the best of circumstances. I was skinny and subject to verbal and physical abuse of those around me who were better looking and better built.
People kept saying “Be yourself!” but I never felt I could be that way because I always saw myself as small and pathetic. Few years down the road and fitness has inspired me to be above them all.
It took a lot of healing and
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It might seem like I’ve always enjoy going to the gym and eating healthy, but the truth is, it hasn’t always been like that.
Back then, I first started working out because I hated my body. I’ve been called nasty names about massive thighs, round tummy and being flat chested. On the surface I joke about it, but in the dark I put myself through countless diets, binging till I felt disgusted and threw up, then ended up hating myself even more. I did all of that in
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My close group of friends has always considered me as one of the “thinner girls”. Those are their thoughts, not mine though.
I see myself with flabby arms, a bloated tummy, a big butt and thunder thighs even till now as I am typing. When I choose to wear body-fitting clothes, I try to suck in my tummy as soon as I step out of the house. To me, it’s a “sacrifice” I have to make to look thin.
After going to the gym twice a week for a few months, I changed
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A few years back, I was really conscious and obsessed about my body image. I would starve and exercise like mad to fit into the smallest sizes available in stores. I felt giddy and lethargic most of the time.
Luckily, I met my current boyfriend and he encouraged me to love myself for who I am. I learnt to eat healthily, to see exercise not as a form of dieting and also, to accept my body for how it is.
Everyone has a different body shape after all.
Though I still do not have the
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