I was a skinny kid when I was younger and never had any weight issues, until I went to study in Perth at age 17. I was staying on my own, so I reached out to all the fast food that I could lay my hands on – pizza, burgers, KFC fried chicken etc. Winters were not helping either as I got hungry easily and added supper to my meals. My weight naturally ballooned as a result.

I came back to Singapore after I graduated and my family doctor was appalled by my vast weight gain and immediately prescribed slimming pills (though I didn’t ask for them). I reckoned that a doctor would know what was best for me, so I took the pills and the weight came off fast – within a week to be exact. My friends who were previously mocking me started complimenting me and with all the compliments, I was determined to complete the pills.

However, after two weeks of experiencing daily heart palpitations (a side effect from the pills which the doctor never highlighted to me), I collapsed at the bus stop while waiting for the bus. That was when I decided that these pills are not going to stick with me .

I stopped the pills and the weight gain came back as fast as I lost them, maybe even faster. My self esteem dived when I stopped hearing compliments and I plunged into self pity. So I thought to myself, I might as well continue to be fat since I don’t have other means to shed weight.

After I got married (and I am so glad my hubby doesn’t judge me for my weight), I followed my hubby for a run as he was training for IPPT. The experience was so bad as I was panting almost all the time. I remember reading articles that running can make you lose weight so I pushed myself to continue and was asked by my friend to take part in a 10km race not long after .

Though some weight had already came off by then, I ran my first race and I struggled, especially the last 4km of the 10km race. Not knowing there were photographers near the finish line, my devastating photo was captured and published on my race cert. My friends saw the picture and instead of congratulating me on a race completion, they commented I look frumpy, sloppy, unfit, pudgy and that I looked 60. I told myself to either stop running and avoid having such paparazzi pics captured or continue and prove them wrong .

I took the latter option.

Five years later, I am proud to say that I have completed four full marathons, 20 half marathons and 35 10km races. I have proven them wrong and had the last laugh. My pictures also somehow turned out better with my increased confidence and fitness levels. Now I am training for my fifth full marathon whilst battling an injury. Looking back, self love is indeed powerful to make to a difference for yourself .

Self love means recognising that you are struggling mentally and physically and then having the courage to continue to persevere in doing what you love, despite condescending remarks. Being someone who is particular about what others say about me, I struggled badly in my first run (photo on left).

Friends were unforgiving in their remarks and discouraging me to stop running so such ugly pics will stop showing up. But self love tells me that stopping after one race will be the end of my quest for better health. Self love has given me stronger conviction to be stronger in every race and I’m not looking back ever.