Anonymous: Never stop trying – Rock The Naked Truth

Anonymous: Never stop trying

I have been and still am battling bulimia. It has been 13 to 14 years now. I can’t quite remember how it started, why it started but it’s something that has been so ingrained in me, so constant and sickeningly, almost like a reliable friend that I can always go to at the end of the day should I feel… fat.

I won’t say I am not seeking recovery, I can’t say I am actively trying either. But I am no longer in hiding at least. I told close friends and family, my boyfriend and even an online community, but unfortunately, I am still unable to find the strength or solace to keep me ‘clean’.

I have gained a fair bit of weight in the last three months (muscle mass, I hope) from 10 weeks of Kayla Itsine’s Bikini Body Guide. I pushed myself through 10 weeks, giving up at the final two weeks because I really disliked the jumping elements and the fact that the exercises were causing my legs and quads to be way bigger than I started and I really, really already dislike my leg size.

Also, trying to eat right was making me bigger, fatter (in my eyes), heavier… Not to mention, the photos that the other ladies post of their progress made me feel disheartened, jealous and I was (and still am) stuck in an endless unhappy cycle of comparison.

So now, I’m stuck being unhappy, but I hope to move away from this negativity soon.

I have decided to seek professional help. I got treatment from a psych a couple of years back, but it didn’t work out quite well. I guess I did it for the wrong reason – trying to keep a boy more than doing it for myself. He left anyway and since then I can’t help but feel that perhaps, treatment is useless and expensive because I tried it and it didn’t work. I still feel like I’m a screw-up.

Having said that, I am still trying.

I arranged for a consult at SGH’s eating disorder department in mid-Dec and I’m going in with a whole lot of hope and faith, because at least this time, I am doing it for the right reason – for me.

Something great to share too – I just completed my first half marathon on Sunday. Didn’t do that great, but hey I finished it at least!

I can’t say that I am an inspiration, not yet. But I hope that one day, I will be.

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rockthenakedtruthsg

There’s a pressure to look good for some jobs, s

There’s a pressure to look good for some jobs, so how can they deal with it and not let it turn into something negative?

@goodity.co has the goods…

When we struggle with something, naturally we want

When we struggle with something, naturally we want to talk to those closest to us. But sometimes, these are the very people who brush us off or worse, scold us.

So who can we turn to? @goodity.co tells us…

Someone in your family, a friend or a colleague mi

Someone in your family, a friend or a colleague might be struggling with something. Perhaps they have been more distant and withdrawn, perhaps they have been excessively dieting and exercising; you sense that something is not right.

How do you approach this person without offending him/her?

@goodity.co has some amazing advice for this…

Positive self-affirmations like, “You are enough

Positive self-affirmations like, “You are enough”, “You are stronger than you think”, can sometimes make you feel worse. How else can you improve your self-esteem?

@goodity.co shares some advice in this video…

People are often so quick to criticise and give ne

People are often so quick to criticise and give negative comments, especially about our appearances.

“Wah you gained weight leh”, “Why you exercise but still so fat ah”, “You better slim down if not nobody want you ah”.

How do we tell these people to stop commenting, especially if they are friends or family (eg. relatives, in-laws)?

Watch this video with advice from @goodity.co.

We have a tendency to compare ourselves (what we h

We have a tendency to compare ourselves (what we have or don’t have) to others and that can leave us feeling bad about ourselves. What can we do to stop this?

Watch the video to hear from @goodity.co.

I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body w

I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body when I was in my early 20s and the relationship carried till Circuit Breaker. This period of isolation forced me to reflect on my own inner child wounds.

I was born with big hips structure and damn jialat metabolism. At 24, I tried to lose weight by jogging every morning and only having yogurt for the whole day. I did lose some weight but I also lost a lot of my hair. That lifestyle lasted for 2 months and I was not in a good mental space. Then I went back to my usual diet and gained all the weight back.

In 2021, I got molested in the bus by this Gray Hoodie Ah Pek. He sat beside me, pretended to fall asleep and circled his thumb on my thigh. He then alighted the bus and looked back at me with a smirk. I swear I was beyond disgusted.

Due to genetics, I have a heavier bottom and the yoga pants and bicycle shorts that I buy online are not squat-proof (very transparent at the butt area) so most of the time when I head out for training I would need to double wear my yoga/bicycle pants with shorts. But that day, I was in a cover-up dress that showed nothing and was feeling disgusted and fat. I reported him to the police anyway.

Later, I released myself from a very toxic situation when I was constantly seeking for acceptance and at the same time, I received news that Gray Hoodie Ah Pek was sentenced to 2 counts with 4 months imprisonment.

At that point of time, it was very dark and I questioned myself frequently, “Is it because I am not good enough?”, “Confused, I was fat but why did that ah pek still touch me?”, “Guilty, because I was one of the reasons that sent him to imprisonment and he might have a family to feed.”, “Why me?”.

To cope, I went back to doing yoga and also started Muay Thai. I felt more balance, love and acceptance towards myself; learned self-defence, resilience, discipline and how to stay grounded.

Definitely, there will still be days when I question myself with my own self-acceptance, but I made a promise to myself to continue to learn and grow mentally and never stop.

Thank you for reading my story. Namaste.

- Val (@soundslikehokkienmee)

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had pos

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had posted it on Facebook with a caption “omg I look so fat here”.

This was when I was struggling with my eating disorders. I was starving myself, taking slimming pills, counting calories and I remember feeling so miserable all the time.

How was this fat?! I clearly was struggling with my body, with my self-worth, with my confidence. And this lack of self-confidence showed in many different ways.

For example, I was constantly in relationships or dating because I needed attention for validation. I would stay in toxic relationships even though I know it’s bad, and I would enable it further, because at the back of my mind I just want to feel loved.

It took me over a decade to reach where I am now and it hasn’t been easy at all. There are days when some of these past demons rear their ugly heads but I am able to better deal with them now.

Self-love is a journey, so be patient and keep working at it!

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire preg

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire pregnancy, and after my pregnancy. I hated it. I felt like it failed me. I felt fat my entire pregnancy instead of embracing the fact that my body was growing a human and creating a life and just being all around awesome.

I was still weighing myself and going, “Well, how much does the baby weigh and how much weight have I put on?” I couldn’t find clothes that fit me.

Part of my trauma (on top of PCOS, lupus, endometriosis, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) during my IVF journey as well, was multiple people saying, “Oh, when are you due?”, when I wasn’t even pregnant. I’ve had two flight crew in the past saying, “I do have your letter of authorization for travel.” I’m like, “What are you talking about?” “Well, you’re pregnant. You must be due soon.” And that was when I was just fat and trying to get pregnant.

My body issues and my self-esteem issues followed me into my pregnancy. I gained 27kg while I was pregnant and it was because of the meds. I wasn’t eating everything or anything I wanted; in fact, I was vomiting every day and still getting fat.

I gained more weight after I gave birth and got to 129kg, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life with a baby going, “I’ve done this bit. Why aren’t I having the other bit now?” I literally was worse after I had the baby in terms of my mental health surrounding my weight.”

- @jazskimo keeping it real and sharing her thoughts about her first pregnancy and childbirth. This was after 7 years of IVF and S$130,000 spent. She’s in a better place mentally now with a beautiful son and is on her next IVF adventure to try for her second child.