“I was very conscious about how my body changed during pregnancy and after birth, and I guess this insecurity about my body was a buildup from my younger days. I was very thin and tall with long limbs, and I didn’t like how my body was ‘disproportionate’.

Thus during my first pregnancy, naturally I was conscious about how I looked, how my body was changing – breasts growing bigger and hips widening. I was concerned about the stretch marks and if they would disappear after birth. I was also worried about my 18kg weight gain. After birth, I still had 10kg to lose before I could return to my pre-pregnancy weight.

That was when I started to get frustrated with my body, especially with breastfeeding. I had blocked ducts every time I tried to increase my supply to feed my child and it was very painful. I was not producing enough for my baby, hence I tried to pump more to produce more but it only got more painful for me.

At that point, I wish I didn’t start breastfeeding so I didn’t need to go through the pain.

Producing milk for the baby was a beautiful notion but the pain behind the blocked ducts was unimaginable. I went through many channels to clear my blocked ducts – such as having my husband massaging them for me (until they bruised), going for lactation massage (that were so painful I had to take painkillers) and I even had to experience needles poking the swollen and sore nipples to clear the blocked ducts, which led to a fever due to the inflammation of the breasts. It was very miserable and painful, and I felt that I wasn’t doing my best to provide for my child.

However, even though I was upset with breastfeeding and my body, I never tried to change the way I looked. Eventually, the blocked ducts got better after five to six weeks after the birth of my daughter. My daughter was able to latch better as she grew and she helped to clear my ducts. Soon, I began to appreciate that breastfeeding is a beautiful process and I didn’t stop until 27 months later.

I started to see beyond the physical changes of my body. The changes of my body were meant for a bigger purpose. I came to understand that all these changes are meant to prepare for the different stages I had to go through – my childbirth and breastfeeding – and it was a change for a bigger meaning. I learnt to embrace my body and also enjoyed the changes in my body as the changes are meant for incredible things in life like feeding and growing my little child.

I am no longer sensitive over the physical changes my body goes through. I believe in being healthy, spending quality time with family members and that is what matters to me now.  My growing body during pregnancy was meant to grow the little child in me. The stretch marks are there to show that my little one is growing well. My swollen nipples are meant to feed the little one and she has grown so much just from the breast milk I produced. My sore legs are from the additional 18kg gradually gained over eight months and my legs weren’t used to carrying the load.

I hope that other women and mothers-to-be who read my story will not feel alone. I think it is important to understand that everyone goes through this journey in their own ways and not all is rosy as what is portrayed on social media.

To all the mothers-to-be, embrace the change and accept the new you. Every mother is beautiful in their own ways!

The changes were a big deal but my body has created, nurtured and given birth to an amazing human being and the changes are evident to the great gift that I’m incredibly proud of. ” – Shin, 31, Human Resources Executive

Shin is wearing The Start Anew Padded Bralette (first 2 images) and The Start Anew Padded Nursing Bralette in Sea Spray which is convenient for breastfeeding (last 3 images) from Our Bralette Club.

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Photos by Tim Yap