I was so surprised when I was told that I’m ROCKstar of the Month for December 2017! I have been reading these ROCKstar stories since I joined ROCKrunners in September 2017, but being selected as one never crossed my mind! I am thankful for the honour and writing this story has allowed me to walk back on my journey and I am glad I have this opportunity to share.

I was never an active person as a young girl, but I was fortunate that I did not have any weight issues throughout my entire life. However, due to my hearing problem, I was reserved and shy.

The truth is, I wasn’t aware that I had a hearing problem until I was 14 years old, thus I did not seek any help or medical assistance. I went through primary school with teachers and friends calling me blur and stupid because I either did not respond to them or responded incorrectly. As I was labelled as such, I assumed they were right because I could not understand them all the time. I kept to myself away most of the time and I became very sensitive and wary of everyone. All these affected my grades and it did not help that I had a brother who did extremely well academically and topped his class often. With each passing year, I became more and more inferior. 

When I entered secondary school, I was selected as monitor of the class. I was so shocked as this would never happen in primary school. Being a monitor meant I would be called all the time for assignments. It was then that my form teacher noticed I might have a hearing problem and suggested I see an ENT specialist, who confirmed my condition. 

I took it very hard and further withdrew myself, instead of being happy that I had discovered my problem and could start finding a solution. I was afraid of getting judged, so I refused to wear a hearing aid and I also chose not to tell anyone for fear of getting laughed at. I went through polytechnic with all kinds of misunderstanding with my classmates and lecturers because I was trying very hard to hide this problem.

When I started working, I realised I finally had no choice but to wear a hearing aid. I kept myself away from big groups as it was tough for me to handle conversations around them.

I later attained my degree and was about to enter another phase of my life with a new job and a marriage, when I was hit by another blow – my hearing took a turn for the worst suddenly! A check with the specialist revealed that my hearing had deteriorated further and my left ear was almost deaf. I was so upset that I plunged into depression. I thank God for my husband’s patience during that period, staying by me when I was down and deeply frustrated. 

I went through the next few years feeling sorry for myself. Fortunately for me, I was working in a small department so I only talked to colleagues there. Although I was never promoted, I didn’t mind as I felt I did not deserve to hold a higher position due to my hearing problem. 

In 2009, there was a restructuring in my company and I was told I might need to shift office. It was a very difficult time for me as I was afraid to leave the place I was so comfortable in for 11 years! At that time, I decided to find something to distract myself from my problems.

I was not overweight, yet I felt tired all the time. I also lacked motivation in life. One day I walked past a running track and decided to try running. It was something I could do alone and the track was almost empty. That first run was SO tough and I was breathless after running just five rounds!

However, I realised that I could release my frustrations during the run. I could scold the world silently and let my thoughts run wild and free. That night, I went home, looked at my two daughters (aged 3 and 1 then), and I told myself I need to be a positive and strong mother for them. I do not want my girls to suffer like I did.

From then onwards, I ran at the track whenever I could, but it soon became a drag because I felt lonely. In 2010, I read about the Pink Ribbon Run and that was my first race. I took 49 mins to run 5km! After the race, my whole body was aching from top to toe but I loved the feeling of crossing the finish line. It made me feel like I had achieved something great!

From there, I joined more and more races. In 2011, I joined as many as 12 races. That was the year I was officially asked to shift office. I still could not bring myself to mix around with the new colleagues. I felt left out when my colleagues talked across the partitions and I could not hear their conversations. No one made the effort to include me in the conversations either. I enjoyed my work though and continued to work hard, while running after work to release my frustrations.

Over time, I started to make friends at the track through running and somehow we chatted about running a full marathon. So in 2013, with the encouragement of my running buddies, I took up the challenge and joined my first full marathon. The completion of the marathon changed my mindset and perspective towards life. Previously I never believed that I could run a marathon but when I put my heart and mind into it, I could!

 With this newfound confidence, I took it to my workplace and achieved what I thought I could never achieve in this lifetime. I became more confident, I could also “hear” better! I became a better mother, focusing on nurturing my girls’ wellbeing and development instead of just their academics. I also became more open about my hearing problem. When I accepted myself, I realised people also accepted me. I carried on running marathons too.

Last year, when the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon advertised the Women Squad on Instagram, I decided to join as I liked how their programme was meant for women. It was possibly the best decision I made, for it brought me many new friends from the ROCKrunners. Actually I knew about ROCKrunners long ago through Instagram, but I was too shy to join. Besides, I had some bad experiences with other running clubs so it deterred me from joining other running clubs again. 

The ROCKrunners are so friendly and easy to get along with, that I decided to join them more frequently. I was also happy to see other Women Squad participants join ROCKrunners more regularly and I became very good friends with some of them.

ROCKrunners is a non-competitive environment that encourages one to be yourself and love yourself. We have a lot of fun running together and motivating each other as well. I also brought my husband and daughters to join the ROCKrunners whenever they are free, and they love being part of this family too. Having gone through depression and many experiences in life, I am glad I can be part of ROCKrunners and encourage more people to be positive, to self-love and most importantly, be happy and healthy!