“I started gaining a lot of weight when I was in primary school because my mum would bring KFC home for supper after her work. Thus, it became a habit to eat KFC for supper throughout those years in primary school. I wasn’t active at all then and had no interest in sports, so I started to put on a lot of weight in the first two years of primary school. My weight then peaked when I was in primary six. I literally grew up in Trim & Fit (TAF) club and was 72kg by the time I turned 13.

I started getting active when I joined softball in secondary school and I managed to lose some weight. I was roughly around 64kg when I completed my GCE ‘O’ level examinations. I continued doing sports while I was in junior college (JC), where I took up touch rugby, and I lost more weight. By the time I graduated from JC, I weighed around 60kg.

This means in six years, I lost a total of 12kg just from becoming more active. I realised that when you put more time into exercising, you spend less time eating. I still enjoyed fast food and hawker food then!

When I started working part-time in food and beverage (F&B) sector during the holidays, I lost a little bit more weight as I naturally don’t eat while I am working. By the time I entered university I was 58kg. There, I joined the touch rugby team and subsequently the contact rugby team. The intensive training I went through then, along with hitting the gym, changed my body composition as I gained more lean mass and lost fat.

In December 2017, I fractured my hand and underwent an op to fix it. I fractured it during rugby training where my teammate ran into my hand and I wasn’t braced for it. My fingers hyperextended and I broke my second metacarpal. I wasn’t able to do any lifting after and as an attempt to work out more, I ran a lot and also ate a lot less.

After I got injured, I changed my diet. At that time I was staying in hall at university, so I would bring food from home and the portions were really small. To make them last me through the week, I literally rationed my food. At the same time, I did a lot of cardio-intensive runs as I couldn’t do much lifting with my fractured hand after the operation. Eating so little and doing all that cardio inevitably led to me losing a lot of muscle mass.

By May 2018, I reached my lowest weight of 48kg and I felt horrible about my body. I also became super conscious as my bones and ribs were protruding. It really didn’t help that I got diagnosed with amenorrhea (absence of menstruation) in early 2019.

2018 was the year that I made the national training squad for Rugby 7s, but I felt terrible after every training because of my lack of strength and size – both of which are very important in rugby. For a player of my height of 163cm, 56 to 58kg is the ideal weight to be at to perform optimally. It definitely affected my training a lot as I always felt weak and light compared to my teammates. Luckily, my coach was understanding. She didn’t criticise or stress me to perform better. Instead, she helped me meet with a nutritionist to find ways to put on lean mass.

Despite that though, I still lost out on a lot of learning opportunities and experiences as I was so fixated on how I was at a disadvantage, instead of focusing on how I can get better. It was a downward spiral for me.

But one day I decided to turn my life around. I worked out hard at the gym and I ate a lot (I ate super healthily). Healthy food tend to be less dense in calories so I had to eat larger quantities to meet the caloric intake. A typical meal for me would include a few slices of bread, chicken breast with vegetables, three to four portions of nuts or seeds, a protein shake and three to four portions of fruits. It took me a year to gain around 10kg.

When I hit 58kg, the weight where I thought I would feel good about my body, the exact opposite happened. This internal struggle was never ending. I felt fat even though I knew I was stronger than before and of a healthy weight. That’s when I started running a lot again and I managed to lean down a bit, but I just can’t seem to get off this emotional rollercoaster when it comes to my body and weight.

Then everything changed last December when I was going through a break-up. Because of that, my self-esteem, self-confidence and body image hit an all-time low coupled with all the negative emotions. I had to learn how to cope and I came to terms that if I can’t love myself for who and what I am, I will never be able to feel satisfied with my life.

It’s a lot of self-love and self-care; whether you have someone in your life or not, you should always remember to love yourself for who you are and how you look. I realised that I shouldn’t care or worry about my weight because even though I was gaining weight, I feel way fitter and stronger during my workouts, and I see progress in my fitness! And that made me really happy with my body.

It is super important to be comfortable in your own skin. My take is that body positivity is an ongoing journey. You will feel good about yourself on some days, and you will feel ugly and hate your body on other days.

Ultimately, you still embrace it and thank it for functioning the way it does. Health is more important than how we perceive how attractive our body looks. If our body does its normal functions (get us through our workouts, our periods and has no underlying health issues), we are already at a really good place.

I saw this campaign as an avenue to share my story and let all the ladies out there know that they are never alone in their search for body positivity and loving their bodies. I want to spread awareness about body positivity as it isn’t just a physical issue for me, it also affected my mental state.

I want to inspire ladies out there to embrace their body for its greatness and what it does for us every single day! And if they need someone to talk to about these issues, I am always happy to help. Be it mental, physical or emotional aspect of things with body image; that’s the least I would want to do.

To all sportsmen and women out there, remember that we are all works in progress and it is ok if the progress is slow sometimes. Focus on your game, focus on becoming better for yourself. Just remember that being healthy is the most important; not just in terms of the diet but also having healthy body functions.

The most important part is not how you look, but how you feel about your body and also how your body responds to you. One thing I always remind myself now: Be kind (to yourself).”– Loo Zi Jia, 24, Financial Advisor

Zi Jia is wearing The Best Wishes Padded Midi Bralette in Sapphire from Our Bralette Club.

**Get 15% off at Our Bralette Club with promo code <RTNTXOBC>.

Photos by Tim Yap