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Deemed malnourished by her doctor, Aarti Olivia Dubey was given appetite inducers from the ages of 7 to 9. These completely changed her appetite control, her body and also her view of the world as she was suddenly treated very, very unkindly after gaining weight.

“At 10, the transition from being a skinny kid – who was fattened up not by choice – to becoming a chubby kid was a sharp one and did me no favours; not at home, not at school,” said the 39-year-old plus sized fashion blogger and activist. “And I continued to struggle with my body and weight, with it getting worse over the years until I reached 30.”

“The pressure to look good from both my parents, in-laws and just society in general constantly made me feel inadequate,” she recalled. “The year of my wedding I was hardly eating anything – I was just surviving on two meal replacement shakes a day, one for lunch and one dinner.”

“I worked out to the point of constant nausea, headaches and blackouts. My stomach lining, hormones and other parts of my health were very, very messed up by then. All of these also drastically affected my state of mind and emotions.”

Her insecurities were so deep because of how she was made to feel that how she looked was a sign of ugliness, laziness and failure, whether through the eyes of her parents, complete strangers or romantic partners. 

Every traumatic event chipped away at her sense of self, her self-worth and it brought on intense self-loathing which affected how she viewed her body. It came to a point where she refused to look anyone in the eye.

“I would walk with my head down to avoid eye contact. Self-harming was also one way I coped when it got so painful to the point of numbness, emotionally and psychologically.”

Living abroad was what opened her mind, as she saw that diverse bodies were not being as ostracised. Going into therapy was another step. But the most important turning point was on her 30th birthday when she said it was time to start living a life without all that hate and anger constantly directed at herself.

“I was done people pleasing. I was done feeling ashamed.”

*This is a collaboration between Rock The Naked Truth and Our Bralette Club.

Andrea started struggling with her body when she compared her size to her then-boyfriend, who was really skinny. “I thought that I would look better if I was as skinny as him, thus I started under-eating and over-exercising to achieve the size that I want,” said the 28-year-old raw food chef.

“It didn’t help that I grew up having low self-esteem and thought that I had to do something to earn the approval of others, such as getting good grades to please my parents.”

This was fueled by the constant comparison with others, especially on social media.

“It sent me into a deep dark hole of being unhappy with how I look. Having abs, a thigh gap and slim legs like the influencers were traits that I thought would make me happy but they didn’t, ultimately.”

“The short-term satisfaction wasn’t enough. After achieving my body goals, I was still unhappy with how I looked and even wanted to look leaner! It was insane.”

At Andrea’s lowest point, she suffered from eating disorders like anorexia and orthorexia, and even lost her period. “I was in denial when everyone said I was really skinny. I thought I still had weight to lose and wasn’t happy with how I looked. I also had negative thoughts like, I’d rather leave this world than to gain weight.”

Over the last 20 years, Andrea was so caught up about other people’s opinions of her. Her turnaround point came when she was trying to get her period and health back as her calcium levels were really low (almost osteopenic) because she was so malnourished.

In recent years, she started embracing her own body and has learnt to love herself enough to know that even though you cannot change other people’s opinions, you can control your thoughts and change your mindset and how to respond to them – either in a constructive manner or simply ignoring them.

“People will always find something to comment about, so just live your own life! Aim to be the best version of yourself and take charge of your own happiness.”

*This is a collaboration between Rock The Naked Truth and Our Bralette Club.