Author: admin

Hello World, this is Tanglin.

I am extremely honored when I was told I have been selected to be a ROCKstar because being a Rockstar is one of my unfulfilled dreams. (This is where I start singing “It’s my lifeeeeeee… It’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever, I just want to live while I’m alive… It’s my lifeeeeeeee”)

My definition of a Rockstar is someone holding a mike on stage, screaming the heart out with the audience jumping up and down. Well, I think dream and reality do have their differences huh, so instead of holding a mike on stage, I will now use my hands to type out my ROCKstar story. Lol.

I was born in Malaysia, as the eldest to two brothers and one sister. My mother wanted her children to have better education so she sent the four of us to Singapore to receive education (me and Lai Sen Hui were first to come over because of the age gap).

However, because the cost of living in Singapore is high, both my parents had to work. She put us under the care of my auntie who, at the same time, had to take care of her own daughter and two other cousins of mine – that’s five of us in total.

Being the eldest of them all, I had to do the household chores and be their role model. While the rest took naps after school, I had to do the chores. When the younger ones made mistakes, it became my fault too. I remember once when my auntie’s daughter decided to iron her own clothes and messed it up, my auntie scolded me instead. While her daughter could choose her own CCA in primary school and grow long hair, mine was chosen by my auntie and my hair was cut short like a boy.

I don’t have a pretty face to begin with, so cutting my hair short like a boy made me look uglier. Heard of the story “The Ugly Duckling”? I totally can relate to it.

I didn’t have a happy childhood. After my O levels, I worked in a fashion shop. I worked very hard, but the supervisor showed favouritism and was biased towards this other girl who joined later and was always on leave. Well, I guess the reason was because I am not as pretty as her.

While studying in polytechnic, I took up part time jobs in the F&B industry and had this really hurting encounter with this manager. He bought me a mask and asked me to use it to cover my ugly face. Seriously, to him, it may be a joke, but to a girl who grew up experiencing favouritism that led to low-self-esteem, that was the final straw and I lost my identity for a long time.

Nonetheless, with a smiley face God is fair. Though He didn’t give me outstanding pretty features, I have long legs which helped me win several big and small medals during my schooling years.

I still have the fondest memories of me diligently running at the school campus stadium barefooted, to train my stamina for an upcoming competition.

That was the time when I really put in effort to achieve something for myself — to win first in my category in the Karate cross-school tournament. In the end, I got first-runner up which left me crying because I had put in so much effort, only to lose a match that I was confident of winning.

Anyway I moved on and decided sport isn’t for me. Lol. But running is the most convenient, and also the cheapest and easiest sport. So, when one of my colleagues wanted to lose weight for her wedding, she jio-ed the whole department (including me) to sign up for a gym.

In that same year, Weiying also jio-ed me to run various races. I started running races in 2012 and then stopped after my full marathon in 2014. At that point I realised I had enough of running as it was too boring. I stopped for three years until Weiying jio-ed me AGAIN for the full marathon at the 2017 SCSM.

This time round, it wasn’t just me and Weiying anymore. Through the SCSM Women Squad organised by ROCKrunners, I got to know like-minded friends who share a similar passion in running. I came across different paths of people that inspired me more than I can imagine; like Wendy and Gwen, mothers of two who juggle different roles of responsibilities yet are able to squeeze out time to run a better timing in races than me.

Now, I enjoy running with my #ROCKfam every Tuesday and Saturday. Running with them also pushes me to achieve my Personal Best which I never knew I could achieve.

Well~ I am still a work-in-progress. Sometimes I do care a lot about what people think of me because I want to be accepted by society standards. But most of time, I know I am beautiful just the way I am, especially when I am running, because that’s the time where I am most “naked”. Lol!

It was rather surprising to receive the news that I am the ROCKSTAR of the month; I never felt that I have a story as impactful as the previous ROCKSTARs of the month. It was only after collecting myself after the news, which daunted upon me that I have never tried to pen down my own story; something I never really shared or spoke of to anyone.

Unlike the rest of the ROCKSTARS who mostly struggled with weight gain issues, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. I was always the underweight, skinny, pale and frail girl since young. My aunt always joked that if we ran out of bamboos to hang our laundry, I can stand in as one.

However, what really affected my self-esteem and confidence was not my weight, but my appearance. Ever since I gained awareness of who I am, I realised I look very different from everyone else, and that made me very self-conscious.

I am born with cleft lip-palate, a birth defect condition where the lip and mouth do not form properly. It is also known as orofacial cleft or hare-lips to some. Given the medical advancement, it is not a life-threatening condition and a series of reconstructive surgeries can fix the functional issues of the condition. However, I still have a scar above my lip, an asymmetrical nose, misaligned teeth and unclear speech.

This made me stand out in a crowd – not in the good way – and I would receive stares from strangers and questions from unassuming peers, which made me feel very conscious. Eventually I withdrew myself from people, I did not like to socialise and I shied away from talking because of my teeth and speech.

For a good period of my teenage days, I avoided taking photographs and I hated to be photographed. I did not smile much into cameras, and I would rather be the one taking the photographs for everyone else. I never liked how I look, I did not like who I am in the photographs, as it reminded me of how different I look from everyone else.

Many friends who knew me from schooling days would know me as a quiet, shy and very reserved person. Thankfully it did not escalate into a morbid state. My family was well-informed about the psychological impact of cleft beforehand and the awareness helped. They built a very supportive and encouraging environment for me, and that made growing up a little less painful.

Along the way, I also met many great friends who are ever accepting and very encouraging. They did not judge me based on how I looked and even encouraged me to be me. I am really thankful for these kind souls I crossed paths with! They made me feel less alienated and treated me as though I am no different from the rest. Because of them, I struggled a little less and was able to gradually accept who I am and to be proud of myself.

I remembered a friend once told me, “It is ok to be different; it just means you are brave enough to be yourself.”

My fitness journey only started quite recently – I only started working out last year. In the past, I used to find running a chore and I never enjoyed the PE sessions in school. A 2.4km run was torture to me back then. It was only in 2017 that I decided to take a step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself by doing something different. I picked up my shoes and I ran in the gym on the treadmill. It was then that I realised how therapeutic running could be! It clears my mind and gets rid of all the negativity I have about life and myself.

Then I joined ROCKrunners in mid-2017 and I really like the idea of “RUN HAPPY”. It’s true that I am happier after a run! It is something I would not have imagined myself saying a decade ago. I did my first 10km run at the end of last year, and that made me realise I am stronger than I think I am.

That confidence booster showed that I am actually able to achieve what I never thought I could. To me, ROCKrunners is also not just about running, but about the people too; the ROCKFAM. And I actually learnt how to talk to different people, and it was a joy hearing stories of different people. I’ve met many inspiring friends who went through different struggles with self-acceptance, which made me feel that I am not alone after all!

I am still trying to walk out of being that shy, quiet and reserved person, so do pardon me if the conversation still sounds rather awkward, I’m still working on it!