I’ve been dancing and performing since I was 15 and ever since I started, I have been constantly told that I am not the ‘correct size’ or I am too big for a dancer. Missed opportunities always had me thinking if it was my body size that got me eliminated or not put in the same standing as everyone else. I struggled to reconcile my feelings because what I thought gave me confidence was the same thing causing me to feel bad about myself.
Eventually, I had to rethink my priorities and changed the way I view dance in my life. I told myself that I will never be happy if I fixate on a standard dancer mould/type given by someone else, knowing I’m not likely to ever fit in it. Hence with each class, I constantly remind myself to enjoy the class and feel the music (which makes me happy!), instead of being the best dancer on the dancefloor.
I look at my body slightly differently now. I believe health and personality is what is key to my life and who I am as a person. Being truly confident is not an easy task to do, especially when we live in such a judgmental world. I want to continue to motivate myself and others that they can be confident and beautiful without having to worry about fitting to society’s expectations of them.
As long as I can remember, I have experienced a constant struggle with my body. I grew up my entire life in places surrounded by people of a natural body type which didn’t look like mine, with the world telling me that my body was the problem.
The older I got, the less and less I felt like things may work out and I would eventually fit in with the world, so I resorted to crash dieting. Desperately trying to conform, I realised it was starting to work and the effects were showing as I began dropping sizes.
All around me, people finally started giving me the affirmation I had desired for so long. That rush I felt from their compliments was everything to me, so much so that every time I looked at food, I would just hear all those gushing words and push the food away. I lost my own voice, and replaced it with countless voices that didn’t matter.
I became unhealthily obsessed with the attention and validation, and slowly my skin became sallow and my hair began falling out. My rock bottom was a point where I had gone nearly two days without anything in my body.
Weak and ill, I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time after a long time, really looked. More than the sunken eyes and lifeless skin, what I hated most was how unhappy I looked. There was no glow in my face, no sparkle in my eyes.
I wondered who I was doing this for, if it didn’t bring me any joy. What could anyone else be getting out of it, when I was feeling this sick? It was one of those clarifying moments where I closed my eyes, and finally told the other voices to shut up. I didn’t get better all at once; it was a constant uphill battle. But it was one I knew was worth fighting.
I think the one thought that keeps me going, is that my body is always changing and it’s important to accept that. There are times I’ll be a little bigger and times I’m smaller, but either way, it’s not the end of the world. Others will see whatever it wants to see, but it doesn’t mean anything; it’s all about how I feel inside. It would be a lie to say that it still occasionally isn’t a struggle, but I now know I can always just start with a deep breath, and remind myself, “You are beautiful. You are loved.”
There is so much beauty in all shapes and sizes, and it’s amazing to see everyone come together and embrace the uniqueness. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and appreciate ourselves and love ourselves for the way we are. If even one person sees this campaign and feels just a little more confident in their skin, it will be all worth it.
