Growing up in a family of six girls, being the “biggest” in size does add a little pressure.
As a big-sized kid, I used to draw questions from relatives and friends about where I got the genes from. Surprisingly, that didn’t affect me too much as a kid and my response was always that I look like my grandma. (Though I don’t think she was too happy I said that lol.)
But things started to change as I entered my teens – I started to become very cautious about how I look as people started calling me names. I remember shopping for Chinese New Year outfits was a challenge for my mum and I. It came to the extent that, it wasn’t about the design or colour, but if I could fit into them and look good in them. My self-esteem was greatly affected and I started to have suicidal thoughts, always feeling that I wasn’t good enough.
As I grew older, I knew how to take better care of myself, such as exercising and eating healthy. Slowly, my mindset became more positive and I believe that God loves me regardless of my size, whether I am XS or a XL He loves them all. So, it is not about getting approval and love from others, but it is loving and accepting who I am.
In my religion, I was taught to know my identity in Christ and that it is not about my size, my family background, or the number of likes I received from my Instagram posts; but the fact that “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). It is important not only to stay healthy in the body, but also in the spirit, soul and mind.
Being an introvert, I would usually do my runs or go to the gym for classes alone. I hardly knew anyone in the gym that I went to for six years. Then over a year ago on 17 Feb 2017, Dawn invited me to join ROCKrunners.
Knowing Dawn as the IronWoman, my first impression of joining a running group is that the people must be some kind of IronMan too. I remember telling her that I’m an amateur and I’m slow (I mean sloooooow) but she said “It’s ok, I will run with you”. Besides, getting to know new people did not come naturally for me either.
But Bear Grylls said, “Life only truly begins at the end of your comfort zone,” so I went and my journey with ROCKrunners began on 18 Feb 2017. I was welcomed by the runners and the buddy assigned to run with me, aside from Dawn.
Even though I am the last few to complete most runs, it doesn’t bother me as it is about running your own race. And of course, RR’s motto of “No one is left behind“. It is not about competing with each other, and I really appreciate the company, support and learning from seasoned runners. There is always something new to learn from others!
The best thing? Making new friends, though I’m an introvert.
One of the breakthroughs after joining RR was signing up for my first Half Marathon last year. I used to be contented if I could just complete 10km. A big thanks to Cheryl for having me as a pacer in the SCSM Women Squad 2017. Encouraging and pacing women during the few months of training prepared me for my own race. I completed it and got a PB!
Another plus point of being part of this ROCKfam is hearing them cheering and shouting my name at the finish line during races! The feeling of having someone waiting for you as you struggle to cross the line is so rewarding.
Last year after I finished my race, I was there to continue cheering for the others doing the longer distance too.
Life is like a marathon isn’t it? You start the race and then as you’re running in the race, when you feel like giving up someone suddenly pulls you along and tells you to keep moving. That’s what the ROCKfam is about. You may feel lonely during the race, but you are never alone in a marathon.