Month: July 2018

Last year, Rock The Naked Truth and AWARE collaborated to produce a body image comic titled Unchained. This comic was about a teenage girl who was poisoned by social media and wanted to become skinny, at all costs. She went on to over-exercise and under-eat, as well as purged after meals.

This is the next one titled YOUR WORDS & ACTIONS MATTER, which is about how a secondary school student gets bullied and judged in school. 

We are constantly bombarded with messages about how our bodies should and should not look. Messages from the media and even our peers and family constantly pressure us to aspire to unrealistic standards of beauty. It is important that we shift our societal attitudes to be inclusive of the diversity of bodies and reject the culture of body shaming.

As part of this effort, Rock The Naked Truth and AWARE Youth collaborated on a series of body positive comics. With the affirmation that no one should ever have to prove that they are healthy enough, pretty enough or muscular enough to deserve respect. These comics acknowledge the painful reality that not all bodies are accepted or viewed equally in society.

It was rather surprising to receive the news that I am the ROCKSTAR of the month; I never felt that I have a story as impactful as the previous ROCKSTARs of the month. It was only after collecting myself after the news, which daunted upon me that I have never tried to pen down my own story; something I never really shared or spoke of to anyone.

Unlike the rest of the ROCKSTARS who mostly struggled with weight gain issues, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. I was always the underweight, skinny, pale and frail girl since young. My aunt always joked that if we ran out of bamboos to hang our laundry, I can stand in as one.

However, what really affected my self-esteem and confidence was not my weight, but my appearance. Ever since I gained awareness of who I am, I realised I look very different from everyone else, and that made me very self-conscious.

I am born with cleft lip-palate, a birth defect condition where the lip and mouth do not form properly. It is also known as orofacial cleft or hare-lips to some. Given the medical advancement, it is not a life-threatening condition and a series of reconstructive surgeries can fix the functional issues of the condition. However, I still have a scar above my lip, an asymmetrical nose, misaligned teeth and unclear speech.

This made me stand out in a crowd – not in the good way – and I would receive stares from strangers and questions from unassuming peers, which made me feel very conscious. Eventually I withdrew myself from people, I did not like to socialise and I shied away from talking because of my teeth and speech.

For a good period of my teenage days, I avoided taking photographs and I hated to be photographed. I did not smile much into cameras, and I would rather be the one taking the photographs for everyone else. I never liked how I look, I did not like who I am in the photographs, as it reminded me of how different I look from everyone else.

Many friends who knew me from schooling days would know me as a quiet, shy and very reserved person. Thankfully it did not escalate into a morbid state. My family was well-informed about the psychological impact of cleft beforehand and the awareness helped. They built a very supportive and encouraging environment for me, and that made growing up a little less painful.

Along the way, I also met many great friends who are ever accepting and very encouraging. They did not judge me based on how I looked and even encouraged me to be me. I am really thankful for these kind souls I crossed paths with! They made me feel less alienated and treated me as though I am no different from the rest. Because of them, I struggled a little less and was able to gradually accept who I am and to be proud of myself.

I remembered a friend once told me, “It is ok to be different; it just means you are brave enough to be yourself.”

My fitness journey only started quite recently – I only started working out last year. In the past, I used to find running a chore and I never enjoyed the PE sessions in school. A 2.4km run was torture to me back then. It was only in 2017 that I decided to take a step out of my comfort zone and challenge myself by doing something different. I picked up my shoes and I ran in the gym on the treadmill. It was then that I realised how therapeutic running could be! It clears my mind and gets rid of all the negativity I have about life and myself.

Then I joined ROCKrunners in mid-2017 and I really like the idea of “RUN HAPPY”. It’s true that I am happier after a run! It is something I would not have imagined myself saying a decade ago. I did my first 10km run at the end of last year, and that made me realise I am stronger than I think I am.

That confidence booster showed that I am actually able to achieve what I never thought I could. To me, ROCKrunners is also not just about running, but about the people too; the ROCKFAM. And I actually learnt how to talk to different people, and it was a joy hearing stories of different people. I’ve met many inspiring friends who went through different struggles with self-acceptance, which made me feel that I am not alone after all!

I am still trying to walk out of being that shy, quiet and reserved person, so do pardon me if the conversation still sounds rather awkward, I’m still working on it!