Growing up, I was a very insecure child mainly for two reasons – my scars and my body. I had scars on my legs and certain parts of my body, and when puberty hit, the shame doubled because I started to get pimples. I had stick legs, a flabby torso and poor posture – so I didn’t find my appearance pleasing.

During secondary school days, I only exercised when I had to during PE or CCA. Naturally I felt that was sufficient as I was in a uniform group and training was tiring enough. My eating habits had no restrictions and I would eat anything my heart felt content with; for example, I could down half a Cadbury’s chocolate bar in one seating (YES, the BIG bar).

I wasn’t particularly an overweight child, but more of on the chubby and unfit side. I will be honest that I didn’t like the way I was, with my scrawny arms and muffin top.

When I was 17, I had my first boyfriend. He had a much smaller build than me and that added to my insecurity. He would tease me about my belly fats for fun,but he didn’t know how much it really affected me. Either way the relationship didn’t end well and when I got out of it, I told myself that I want to try and lose the belly fat, so I started exercising.

I didn’t have much knowledge about exercise or fitness, so I just ran when I felt like it and used the cardio machines in the gym once in a while – there wasn’t really a proper system.

Then I had my second relationship at 18 and things started to change for the better. When I first knew my then boyfriend, he was on the overweight side. After not meeting for a year plus, we bumped into each other and what surprised me was that he was much leaner and fitter than before!

He told me how BMT had changed him and how he has a regular fitness routine, so we made a pact when we got together that we would be a fit couple (as cheesy as it sounds), and it actually worked! We never really got time to work out together but always made sure to check up on each other’s progress. I was eating properly and working out (I was running and doing HIIT). Then, like all good things, the relationship came to an end. It was a really sour ending and I didn’t know how to cope with it and talking to my friends didn’t make me feel any better.

Feeling frustrated, I thought of working out since it had always helped me cope with stress. I like how I could channel my sadness into the weights into something positive, and that was when I realised how amazing lifting was. I started to read up more on workout routines and muscle groups, I followed people like Georgina Poh on Instagram and became a Fitblr on Tumblr. I learnt so much that I never knew about – food, workouts and the physical state of mind.

Since then I started lifting more consistently and eating right, and I saw a positive change in my body and emotional state. I grew to be an independent woman.

I once overheard my secondary school mate commenting behind my back: “She’s like a chocolate chip, she might as well eat herself and die.” I’ve had a good number of people approach me in public asking me about my scars and giving remarks like, “So poor thing, so young and pretty but so sad like this.” It really made me angry, but I’ve since learnt to look past my scars. Society remains on my back and these comments don’t stop, but I’ve told myself that these thoughts don’t matter as long as I know I am beautiful me.

Of course, working out has made me feel confident and has helped me to accept myself and the fact that this is how God has created me and I have to accept myself before anyone else can.

I am now at a really contented part of my life; yes I do have my setbacks and down times, but I will always remember to bounce back as the main goal and priority for me would be to always be the best I can be; not for those who look down on me, not for those who question my scars, not for the attention but simply for the good health and happiness of mine. Since then, I’ve been trying to help my friends who are facing bodily image issues or insecurities in whatever ways I can or from what I have learn’t myself, because I know what it feels like to be inferior and to be talked down to.