Nicole Friets: There is never a perfect time – Rock The Naked Truth

Nicole Friets: There is never a perfect time

owever, as I look back on 2015 (an extremely eventful year on many fronts), I realise that a major step was acknowledging that there will never be a perfect time or perfect state.

Although I no longer believe in labels, I was clinically diagnosed with anorexia when I was about 14 years old. Many ask what triggered this. To be honest, I don’t think that there was a single event and it doesn’t really matter anyway. I believe that there are always triggers in every stage of life; what matters is learning how to deal with them in a healthy manner and looking to the future rather than the past.

The subsequent nine years were a blur of doctor visits, hospital stays of various length and overseas treatment facilities. I saw numerous therapists and was told what to eat, how to eat, what was “right” and what was “wrong”. Although some of the treatments initially helped and definitely created more self-awareness, it also served to strip me of my own voice. I effectively missed my teenage years and therefore never found out what I liked, what I loved, what was right for me, or what was wrong for me.

I am blessed to have a great support system, but half of my time with friends was spent in the hospital. Needless to say, my identity was linked to that – I was “the sick girl”, “the victim”, the girl who would miss school for doctor visits.

In the hospitals, I would often be the model patient – only to come out and revert to my old ways.The perfectionism that drove so much of this and focus on the ‘perfect’ body was still there.

One of the biggest turning points for me was in April 2014, when my parents once again took me out of the hospital against the doctors’ will. This time, however, I made a commitment to myself that I would never go back into the hospital and praise God I haven’t.

Effectively, I got sick of being sick, of not having a life or a voice of my own, of being told what to do. I had seen many stuck in the viscous cycle of spending their whole lives in the hospital and I did not want to end up wasting my life away. I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew it would be different and better than the past.

It was especially hard when others (including friends) criticised, judged, and even laughed. As I have come to realise however, people will always have opinions, but we can choose how much power to give these opinions. One of my favourite quotes is “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” (Eleanor Roosevelt).

Coming back to the present, 2015 has been a year of crazy adventure. I took a three-week trip to the States despite doctors telling me this might kill me. I started baking as a part time hobby/job. I took up CrossFit and started falling in love with sports again – to strengthen myself rather than destroy myself. I joined communities again and learned I actually enjoyed being with people. I obtained my bachelor’s degree in life coaching, religion, and languages, amongst other things. In other words, I started falling in love with life again. In other words, I started accepting unconditional love.

Am I there yet? Where is ‘there’ anyway? I believe that is a journey of progress, not perfection. That photo on the right? That’s me now. I’m far from perfect. But… I am happier, healthier, and more self-aware than the “me” on the left. And that is progress. Perfect is boring anyway.

For once, I have goals that do not revolve around getting to a perfect body or weight. Rather, they are to get to what is right for me, to gain strength, to run a marathon, to go to Disney, to join a songwriting class, to find a job. To love. To live. To thrive. It’s about being the best version of me daily.

And I’m looking forward to doing all of that (and more) in 2016.

P.S. The more I talk to people, the more I realise just how broken everyone is. I am learning that even the people who seem to have it all together – don’t. Different people manifest their struggles in different ways and for me, it just happens to be more physical in nature. This year, on many fronts, I realise that a major step was acknowledging that there is no such thing as a perfect time or a perfect person.

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@goodity.co has the goods…

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How do you approach this person without offending him/her?

@goodity.co has some amazing advice for this…

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People are often so quick to criticise and give negative comments, especially about our appearances.

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Watch this video with advice from @goodity.co.

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I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body w

I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body when I was in my early 20s and the relationship carried till Circuit Breaker. This period of isolation forced me to reflect on my own inner child wounds.

I was born with big hips structure and damn jialat metabolism. At 24, I tried to lose weight by jogging every morning and only having yogurt for the whole day. I did lose some weight but I also lost a lot of my hair. That lifestyle lasted for 2 months and I was not in a good mental space. Then I went back to my usual diet and gained all the weight back.

In 2021, I got molested in the bus by this Gray Hoodie Ah Pek. He sat beside me, pretended to fall asleep and circled his thumb on my thigh. He then alighted the bus and looked back at me with a smirk. I swear I was beyond disgusted.

Due to genetics, I have a heavier bottom and the yoga pants and bicycle shorts that I buy online are not squat-proof (very transparent at the butt area) so most of the time when I head out for training I would need to double wear my yoga/bicycle pants with shorts. But that day, I was in a cover-up dress that showed nothing and was feeling disgusted and fat. I reported him to the police anyway.

Later, I released myself from a very toxic situation when I was constantly seeking for acceptance and at the same time, I received news that Gray Hoodie Ah Pek was sentenced to 2 counts with 4 months imprisonment.

At that point of time, it was very dark and I questioned myself frequently, “Is it because I am not good enough?”, “Confused, I was fat but why did that ah pek still touch me?”, “Guilty, because I was one of the reasons that sent him to imprisonment and he might have a family to feed.”, “Why me?”.

To cope, I went back to doing yoga and also started Muay Thai. I felt more balance, love and acceptance towards myself; learned self-defence, resilience, discipline and how to stay grounded.

Definitely, there will still be days when I question myself with my own self-acceptance, but I made a promise to myself to continue to learn and grow mentally and never stop.

Thank you for reading my story. Namaste.

- Val (@soundslikehokkienmee)

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had pos

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had posted it on Facebook with a caption “omg I look so fat here”.

This was when I was struggling with my eating disorders. I was starving myself, taking slimming pills, counting calories and I remember feeling so miserable all the time.

How was this fat?! I clearly was struggling with my body, with my self-worth, with my confidence. And this lack of self-confidence showed in many different ways.

For example, I was constantly in relationships or dating because I needed attention for validation. I would stay in toxic relationships even though I know it’s bad, and I would enable it further, because at the back of my mind I just want to feel loved.

It took me over a decade to reach where I am now and it hasn’t been easy at all. There are days when some of these past demons rear their ugly heads but I am able to better deal with them now.

Self-love is a journey, so be patient and keep working at it!

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire preg

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire pregnancy, and after my pregnancy. I hated it. I felt like it failed me. I felt fat my entire pregnancy instead of embracing the fact that my body was growing a human and creating a life and just being all around awesome.

I was still weighing myself and going, “Well, how much does the baby weigh and how much weight have I put on?” I couldn’t find clothes that fit me.

Part of my trauma (on top of PCOS, lupus, endometriosis, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) during my IVF journey as well, was multiple people saying, “Oh, when are you due?”, when I wasn’t even pregnant. I’ve had two flight crew in the past saying, “I do have your letter of authorization for travel.” I’m like, “What are you talking about?” “Well, you’re pregnant. You must be due soon.” And that was when I was just fat and trying to get pregnant.

My body issues and my self-esteem issues followed me into my pregnancy. I gained 27kg while I was pregnant and it was because of the meds. I wasn’t eating everything or anything I wanted; in fact, I was vomiting every day and still getting fat.

I gained more weight after I gave birth and got to 129kg, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life with a baby going, “I’ve done this bit. Why aren’t I having the other bit now?” I literally was worse after I had the baby in terms of my mental health surrounding my weight.”

- @jazskimo keeping it real and sharing her thoughts about her first pregnancy and childbirth. This was after 7 years of IVF and S$130,000 spent. She’s in a better place mentally now with a beautiful son and is on her next IVF adventure to try for her second child.