When I was diagnosed with anorexia, binge eating and depression, I would often ask myself why life is so unfair, why must I suffer from all these? I was merely a 15-year-old student at that time, when all this happened to me.

It all started when I was 15. I was at the healthy BMI range at that time; I was so bubbly and lovely. My friends enjoyed spending time with me. However, it was just one sentence that turned my whole life upside down. One of my close friend, who was very skinny, told me, “Your legs very big, go exercise more.”

When I first heard it, I did not take it seriously. However, probably due to stress from a heavy school workload, her words kept ringing in my ears. I eventually caved and started to go for vigorous exercise as well as eat less.

Then I got more and more obsessed.

I started to count calories, search for all sorts of information on which food to eat, what type of weight loss plan to follow and what foods to avoid. My mother became very concerned but I couldn’t care less. I became very rebellious.

I controlled my food intake very strictly and overexercised, even though my mother told me not. I had no idea what anorexia was at that point of time and I was not aware that I was sinking to the bottom.

Many of my close friends were very concerned but I refused to stop what I was doing. I just could not stop. My mother brought me to see a nutritionist but I did not follow the meal plans that the doctor prepared for me.

I continued to overexercise and lost about 15 kg in half a year.

Because of what I did, I had to pay a price. My heart was not beating normally, my ears kept ringing, I got very tired easily, I lost my concentration, I felt cold all the time. I felt like fainting and I could not stand straight. I was always alone in school and I avoided my close friends.

My mother was very sad when she saw me in such a state because she just did not know what to do. My friend was very concerned but I refused to listen to them. After my examinations, my mother brought me to see the doctor again. It was then that I realised the damage that I have done to my body.

I had to be admitted to the hospital, where I stayed for about a month. Life in there was really bad. I had to eat three big meals and three small meals a day and I was also at risk for falling, so I was wheelchair-bound and the nurses had to keep a constant lookout for me.

I felt very uncomfortable because I had no freedom and I stayed in bed the whole time. I cried often, feeling very negative about my life and my mood was seriously bad. I kept telling my mum I wanted to die. She was very sad and could only hug me.

I kept begging my main doctor to let me go home, but he told me it was too dangerous and I may die at any point of time. I hated myself for what I have done. I felt stupid for letting my friend’s words get to me.

After about a month, my weight increased a little, my heart rate stabilised and the doctor finally allowed me to go home, on condition that I am put under strict supervision by my mother.

There were still times that my mind would tell me to control my eating portions and it took me great efforts to make the thoughts go away. In school, I would eat the meals prepared by my mother so that I would not worry about food. I was able to concentrate better.

I was exempted from PE and my CCA activities, but many of my close friends and teachers were very concerned and I appreciated it so much. As the months passed, I began to be more positive and felt healthier.

Unfortunately, I met with another obstacle after my O levels. I started to binge eat on bread. I could eat as much as 10 pieces of bread a day or more. It was actually quite scary now that I think about it.

I binged a lot for a month and suffered from depression to the point where I had to take medicine every day. I yelled at my mother everyday and I could not concentrate at school. I became very negative and wanted to end my life. I avoided going to school and I just wanted to stay at home. I did not want to think about anything.

Thankfully, after a month, I became more calm and my mother was able to help me when I felt the urge to binge. Due to the binge eating, my weight went up a lot but this time I did not take any extreme measures.

After going through the obstacles I did, I occupied myself with hobbies to distract me from negative thoughts. I talked to my mother and my mentor often whenever I felt negative. I read a lot of books when I was recovering, and I was determined to get myself back into the healthy range.

I aspired to open a healthy food store when I grow up. I began to live a more balanced lifestyle, and I started to eat healthily and exercise regularly. I always ensured that I have a daily intake of sufficient nutrition and I stopped counting calories. My mother used to say, “What are calories? How do you even count them?”

Right now, I am in the healthy range and I feel a lot more positive. I am super thankful for my mother for her support and encouragement, for what she has done and how she has taken care of me. I also appreciate the care from my good friends, mentor and teacher.

I mustered the courage to tell some of my close friends what happened and told them not to follow in my footsteps. As for the close friend who passed the comment on my legs being big, I don’t think she ever knew the impact her words had on me. I may never get an apology from her but I’m past that now as I believe I am living a better life and I don’t want to harbour negative thoughts again.

I know that healthy is key to living a better life and I vow never to suffer such things again. It is impossible for anyone to be perfect and at some point of time, you might feel bad about yourself, but why not just enjoy your life and move forward? This is what I always tell myself now.

I still aspire to have my own healthy food store in future and I am now in the midst of preparing it. Everything needs to be taken one step at a time! I am studying business at Singapore Polytechnic and taking part-time courses on event management at Kaplan. I seriously enjoy the life I have now and I hope to become a better person.