I was 18 – post-scoliosis surgery. Metal rods were inserted to hold my spine in place and suddenly, my movement was completely restricted.

I looked at my changed body and felt the stiffness of my spine – nothing seemed normal. I was living day by day with the fear that my physical movement might have serious repercussions.

I tried to figure out what to do with this new body. I thought, “If I can’t control its movement, I can control its weight and anyway I have been wanting to lose some weight. And if I can’t move much, that means I don’t need much food either.”

Well, that’s the start of my slippery slope.

I went on a mission to get thinner through diet and whatever exercise I could do. The scary thing is that the thinner I got, the more compliments I received, which fuelled my gross misconception that the thinner I get, the more attractive I would be.

But I was never thin enough and it was a never-ending downward spiral.

I eventually hit a BMI of 14 – my hair was thinning, my skin was dry and peeling, my family was worried, my brain was malfunctioning, my social life was non-existent, and I was almost depressed.

When everyone else in university was working hard for their GPA and having fun, I was struggling through the bulk of my university life dealing with my weight, calories and how skinny I was. When my peers were out partying at night, I was crouching over the toilet trying to get food out of my system.

There were many days that I felt ‘too fat’ to be seen at any events so I was constantly coming up with excuses to bail last minute.

I guess it is true that nothing is inherently good or bad. Out of this entire episode, I was exposed to the concept of ‘nutrition’, ‘gym’, ‘eating disorder’, ‘body image’, ‘self-image’ and much more. These are things that the old me would never be bothered with.

I reached a point in my struggle with body image where I told myself, “No one deserves to experience this”. So, I started to share my story and find ways to equip myself with tools to help others.

I took up nutrition courses, got certified as a Group Exercise Instructor, Personal Trainer, Fitness Nutrition Specialist and Yoga Teacher. Practising yoga has helped me to reconnect with my body, work compassionately with my limitations and embrace my strengths and limitations without an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I experienced how easy it is to sway from one extreme to another extreme. Yet it is the art of finding balance that is the most challenging, but also the most fulfilling to me.

Today, I’m happy to say that I don’t need visible abs, I don’t need visible ribs, I don’t need to be a certain weight, I don’t need to be a certain size. I am strong, I am able, I am beautiful, I am confident, I am healthy. I am not perfect, but I embrace all that I am.