Clara Nah: The more we try to control food, the more it controls us – Rock The Naked Truth

Clara Nah: The more we try to control food, the more it controls us

My poor relationship with my body began when I was around 17. I was active and played sports but was never concerned with what I ate. I was borderline overweight and comments from well-meaning family members and banter with friends led to a deep-rooted insecurity inside of me.

I had a very low self-esteem and I felt like I needed to control other aspects of my life to feel like I was good enough. Criticism of my body as I was growing up, being compared to a sibling who was naturally thin, friends who made jokes about my weight resulted in a lot of unhappiness with my body.

I started to hate my body and desperately wanted to lose weight. When I was 18, I started my first weight loss attempt. I did it in a healthy way - I got into endurance sports and found out about Rock The Naked Truth when I was still doing triathlons. However, I gained the weight back after I stopped being as conscious about what I was eating.

The second time I tried to lose weight was when the downward spiral started. Someone introduced a new fad diet to me. I stuck to it religiously and lost weight very quickly. But it wasn't enough and I wanted to be even skinnier. I slowly started eating less and less. I avoided social events because I was scared of losing self-control. I felt lethargic and sad all the time.

Then my breaking point came - my first binge eating session. The first one was harmless and I just told myself I'll "get back on track" tomorrow. Then began the downward spiral where I lost ALL CONTROL around food. Nothing I ate seemed to satisfy my hunger, I was constantly craving chocolate and snacks and I binge ate multiple times in a week. By binge eating I mean I ate to the point of being physically sick. It lasted for a couple of months.

Then I started reading up on intuitive eating and how to heal my relationship with food. Now I can proudly say that food no longer has that kind of power over me and I no longer base my self-worth on the size of my body. I've gained a lot of knowledge during my binge eating phase and it pains me that people around me are still talking about new diets and ways to lose weight.

I believe that the more we try to control food, the more it controls us. I hope to be able to spread this message to people so that they won't have to go through the same process as I did!

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I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body w

I had a very unhealthy relationship with my body when I was in my early 20s and the relationship carried till Circuit Breaker. This period of isolation forced me to reflect on my own inner child wounds.

I was born with big hips structure and damn jialat metabolism. At 24, I tried to lose weight by jogging every morning and only having yogurt for the whole day. I did lose some weight but I also lost a lot of my hair. That lifestyle lasted for 2 months and I was not in a good mental space. Then I went back to my usual diet and gained all the weight back.

In 2021, I got molested in the bus by this Gray Hoodie Ah Pek. He sat beside me, pretended to fall asleep and circled his thumb on my thigh. He then alighted the bus and looked back at me with a smirk. I swear I was beyond disgusted.

Due to genetics, I have a heavier bottom and the yoga pants and bicycle shorts that I buy online are not squat-proof (very transparent at the butt area) so most of the time when I head out for training I would need to double wear my yoga/bicycle pants with shorts. But that day, I was in a cover-up dress that showed nothing and was feeling disgusted and fat. I reported him to the police anyway.

Later, I released myself from a very toxic situation when I was constantly seeking for acceptance and at the same time, I received news that Gray Hoodie Ah Pek was sentenced to 2 counts with 4 months imprisonment.

At that point of time, it was very dark and I questioned myself frequently, “Is it because I am not good enough?”, “Confused, I was fat but why did that ah pek still touch me?”, “Guilty, because I was one of the reasons that sent him to imprisonment and he might have a family to feed.”, “Why me?”.

To cope, I went back to doing yoga and also started Muay Thai. I felt more balance, love and acceptance towards myself; learned self-defence, resilience, discipline and how to stay grounded.

Definitely, there will still be days when I question myself with my own self-acceptance, but I made a promise to myself to continue to learn and grow mentally and never stop.

Thank you for reading my story. Namaste.

- Val (@soundslikehokkienmee)

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had pos

Came across this photo taken in 2010 and I had posted it on Facebook with a caption “omg I look so fat here”.

This was when I was struggling with my eating disorders. I was starving myself, taking slimming pills, counting calories and I remember feeling so miserable all the time.

How was this fat?! I clearly was struggling with my body, with my self-worth, with my confidence. And this lack of self-confidence showed in many different ways.

For example, I was constantly in relationships or dating because I needed attention for validation. I would stay in toxic relationships even though I know it’s bad, and I would enable it further, because at the back of my mind I just want to feel loved.

It took me over a decade to reach where I am now and it hasn’t been easy at all. There are days when some of these past demons rear their ugly heads but I am able to better deal with them now.

Self-love is a journey, so be patient and keep working at it!

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire preg

“I hated my body with a passion, the entire pregnancy, and after my pregnancy. I hated it. I felt like it failed me. I felt fat my entire pregnancy instead of embracing the fact that my body was growing a human and creating a life and just being all around awesome.

I was still weighing myself and going, “Well, how much does the baby weigh and how much weight have I put on?” I couldn’t find clothes that fit me.

Part of my trauma (on top of PCOS, lupus, endometriosis, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome) during my IVF journey as well, was multiple people saying, “Oh, when are you due?”, when I wasn’t even pregnant. I’ve had two flight crew in the past saying, “I do have your letter of authorization for travel.” I’m like, “What are you talking about?” “Well, you’re pregnant. You must be due soon.” And that was when I was just fat and trying to get pregnant.

My body issues and my self-esteem issues followed me into my pregnancy. I gained 27kg while I was pregnant and it was because of the meds. I wasn’t eating everything or anything I wanted; in fact, I was vomiting every day and still getting fat.

I gained more weight after I gave birth and got to 129kg, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life with a baby going, “I’ve done this bit. Why aren’t I having the other bit now?” I literally was worse after I had the baby in terms of my mental health surrounding my weight.”

- @jazskimo keeping it real and sharing her thoughts about her first pregnancy and childbirth. This was after 7 years of IVF and S$130,000 spent. She’s in a better place mentally now with a beautiful son and is on her next IVF adventure to try for her second child.