I started binge eating during my 20s – I was under tremendous stress as I just started teaching and I resorted to seeking comfort in food. I just kept eating a lot, continuously. I recalled that I used to have six slices of bread with lots of butter for breakfast, another six slices of bread with lots of cheese for lunch and a 1-litre tub of ice cream for dinner. There were days when I didn’t feel satisfied, I would continue to eat another round of main dish despite having a plate full of rice and meat for dinner. There were also days when I would finish one tin of butter cookies at one go.

The strange thing is, while I was binging, I felt really ‘good’ and it was as if my stress was being ‘eaten up’. With a sudden increase in appetite, I started to put on quite a bit of weight and at the same time, I was breaking out with lots of pimples on my forehead. I felt fat and ugly and I hated myself. I cut my fringe in order to hide those hideous pimples and I would be wearing black all the time. I just didn’t feel good about myself.

After every episode of binge eating, I would break down and cry and question why I ate that much. I would feel so disgusted with myself. Sometimes I would be so angry with myself that I would take a measuring tape and tie it around my waist as tight as I could; sometimes leaving it overnight hoping that I would become slim overnight.

Whenever I felt fat on certain days, I would starve myself the whole day and then binge uncontrollably during dinner. During this period, I didn’t want to take pictures as I disliked seeing myself in pictures. I also didn’t want to go out with friends because I just wanted to stay at home and binge.

This binge eating disorder was worsened with my low self-esteem, something I’ve been battling with since young. It’s harder for me because I’m a very sensitive person and I would take remarks from others very seriously. I would get extremely upset when someone comments that I’ve put on weight or I was fat.

Back then, I felt ashamed to share with my peers what I was going through as I was afraid of being judged and it was also hard to seek support from a community. Social media platforms were quite limited too, so it was a lonely journey for me.

Then I just got so sick of the stress-binge-cry cycle, so I decided to pick up some self-help books. After reading one particular book, I learnt that a diet logbook might help with my disorder. Hence after every meal, I would record down what I had eaten. This brought greater awareness for myself. It was then that I started to set a goal for myself.

From 7 days of binging, I started with small goals and aimed for six days of binging. It was a yo-yo period for me and there were days when I would swing back with a vengeance. Besides the logbook, I learnt to divert my attention by going for a jog whenever I had the urge to binge. Jogging was therapeutic for me and it helped to clear my mind. However, there were days when I would jog excessively as I was extremely angry with myself and guilty about overeating.

Things only got slightly better when I learnt to control my food intake. I didn’t starve myself; I still ate the usual but I controlled the intake and ate in moderation. Balance is the key word. During that period, I also read quite a number of self-help books about positive thinking, listened to calming music, started hanging out with positive peers and stopped weighing myself.

Thankfully, I made these changes and it helped me to pull through. After a long and arduous period, I managed to binge less. It wasn’t a smooth-sailing process and I had to persevere and learn to be patient. Through it all, I have learnt how to better manage my stress and not fall into the stress-binge-cry cycle.

Good health is my biggest focus now. I may have slimmed down but I am dealing with some health issues at the moment. I have come to realise that body image doesn’t matter that much in comparison to good health. Probably those binge eating episodes may have taken a toll on my health.

As for now, I am learning to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle – eat well, sleep well. I have also started to meditate and listen to podcasts on health and wellness. Instead of focusing more on the physical aspect, I have learnt to focus on the spiritual aspect as well. I believe in healthy mind, healthy body; think good, feel good.

I was one of those who went through this phase on my own and it was really tough. I guess things would have been slightly better if I had some support back then.

Thus, I hope this campaign can reach out to those who are currently going through what I had gone through previously. I want to let them know that they are not alone and they can overcome this hurdle.