#iamnamira

I am suffering from the final stage of a chronic disease known as Endometriosis. They said I have four years to live life to the fullest before the next saga of surgeries.

Endometriosis is a reproductive and hormonal dysfunctional issue that affects one in every 10 women worldwide. Sadly, there is no association here in Singapore that our women can look up to, so creating awareness is of paramount importance. I have been advocating the awareness campaign for the past three years with a current project known as #EforENDOMETRIOSIS.

It is shocking that such a crippling condition is not given the urgency in assistance. This debilitating chronic illness has some similarities in characteristics likened to cancer. It spreads and reduces the quality of life like one. It recurs like one. It is aided with some treatments given to that of cancer sufferers. It has complications and medicinal side effects like one. But just because it is not ‘cancer’, Endometriosis is brushed aside as ‘just another womanly disease’. People do not take it seriously when it is the leading cause of infertility around the world.

Let me tell you this reality – Women die because of it. Women turn suicidal because of it. Women fall into depression because of it. Women go into the asylum because of it. Women get bedridden because of it. Women are ditched by their loved ones because of it. Women have their dreams shattered because of it. So tell me, does it not deserve the same concern too?

These women can be anyone; your mother, your sister, your aunt, your wife, your daughter, your someone dear, who keeps their mouth shut to avoid confrontations with you or the outside world who deem us women ‘who needs to be the stronger gender’ in dealing with pain. How can they even convey it to you when in all honesty they do not know what is wrong with them too? How can they explain it to you when scientifically Endometriosis has no definite reason to its development? How can you let them feel just as confuse as you are just because ‘it’s a woman thing so she should know better’? Honestly we women do not know how to face Endometriosis and are just as scared as you are too. So why don’t we walk this path together, hand in hand, next to each other and find the answers as a team?

I am speaking for the community and we are the Endo Warriors. Now hear my story:

I was diagnosed with Endometriosis four years ago but it was only in the third year that I received proper Endometriosis care because there was only one Endometriosis specialist in Singapore who has now returned to the UK. By the time I finally received proper treatment, I was already in the final stage. Yes, I ‘was’ until it recurred again last year and it was growing.

Throughout the years leading to the proper diagnostic, I was pushed from one doctor to another with diagnoses ranging from anaemia to haemorrhoids and was even sent to IMH for depression. My quality of life spiraled down quickly as the pain elevated monthly and I was dismissed from work for not being able to handle firearm anymore since the nature of my work requires officers to carry one. I was robbed of my dream career and it crept into my personal life too.

It left broken hearted too many times with these reasons given – ‘I am 10 times sicker’, ‘ I am just a burden’, ‘I am a crazy woman’ and ‘not normal’ compared to other ‘choices’.

I will be lying to say that these ruthless statements do not change me as a person. I succumbed to it emotionally to a point of suicidal that I was admitted to IMH for it. That point of time I really believed that I was what they said I am – useless. So people, please be mindful of what you said to others. You might not know how it might impact the person.

It is after the therapy that I realise there is no point waiting for a hero, so I became one instead. I learnt to pick up the pieces on my own two feet, finding ways to cope with depression and the pain that goes with Endometriosis. I eventually came out from the pitless struggles. Despite the complications Endometriosis has caused to my body, it has failed time and time again in shuddering my soul. I just keep winning.

Yes it is hard. It is never easy waking up knowing that you are a day closer to an assumed due date but life is so short and I do not wish to let it wither and not appreciate life and its beauty. So I laugh harder, I live with love and be where the love always is because positivity is contagious. So love, love, and love, give even when it is not sought after, show kindness even in ignorance and be honest through all actions. There is no intelligence that can transcend compassion because love heals what the mind fails to do.

I find solace being in love with myself and giving love in return through advocating the campaign and being in the fitness community where everyone is so optimistic and encouraging. And guess what? This ’10 times sicker of a woman’ has done her first fitness pageant not too long ago, not just strutting her fit body up on stage but educating others on Endometriosis too. Aside, I have also successfully organised a meet-and-greet session with warriors alike and gathered our very own research team of doctors and professors to social media; a beacon of hope in managing women’s health here in Singapore.

Three years ago no one believed in me and I was spewed with stabbing words that murdered my soul. Now I have completely revived it with a stronger will and a lion heart.

#iamnamira and I rock the naked truth. My nine surgical scars on my stomach are my trophies and I live to tell the tale.