I had a brush with body image issues. A two-year long brush to be exact.
In university, I was a cheerleader bestowed with the responsibility of a flyer, ie. I was being thrown around. The audience’s attention is usually directed up where I was with a midriff baring uniform and the mandatory mini skirt, thus I always wanted to look my best.
My bases, the awesome strong ones who lifted me were girls most of the time, so I wanted to maintain a light weight as a favour to them. My coach would also spring surprise weight checks on us.
Some girls in the team fell prey to eating disorders, but food was too important to me so I managed to escape from the clutches of these disorders by learning to make smart dietary choices.
I remember my coach wanted me to weigh 38kg, but I knew that was ridiculous and I just tried my best not to gain unnecessary weight. I’m proud of that, but time to time when I look at old photos, I sometimes find myself asking if I could have done more to help my teammates who were suffering from eating disorders throughout our cheerleading days.
Due to intensive trainings, I had quite low body fat and my boobs disappeared as a result. I felt the most inadequate when my then-boyfriend announced that he was saving up for my boob job. At that time, I felt really lousy about myself and I somehow convinced myself that a boob job would make me look better and make him happier. We have since broken up.
Today, I’ve got a butt full of stretch marks and I still feel conscious about them; using Bio-oil in hopes of lightening them. However, instead of hating their existence I’ve learnt to appreciate their presence. Stretch marks mean my butt grew and that’s why it’s perky! (I have uni friends who used to call me perky butt!)
I used to think my butt was my saving grace, because I was otherwise quite flawed. But over time, through social media and a new love, I’ve learnt to love me as I am, to not dwell on my imperfections but instead embrace my gifts.
A perky butt can be made perkier with squats, huge arms have great potential to be strong. Yeah I think I have huge arms too but for that I’m just gonna have to consciously place them well when posing for photos, haha.
When I started working full time last September, I was worried about the oft-mentioned deskbound weight gain. But last November I stumbled upon the Under Armour burpee challenge and was lucky enough to meet wonderful people like Kelly Latimer and Stephanie Bovis, and win a six-month membership to Ritual. The temporary membership helped me maintain my frequency of exercise, and now that it’s over I’m keeping fit with kickboxing and Pilates.
I love my body much more now, doing what I choose to do and not having to be accountable to anyone else but myself. Yes I’ve gained some weight since graduation, but I’m also much happier and stronger.
Thank you for letting me air these thoughts, Cheryl! Turned out to be quite therapeutic. I’ve been following your great work since about two years back and you’ve been a catalyst for so much health and fitness developments in Singapore. Thankful to be in this one of yours!