I have always been on the bigger side of things since I was young. Body image issues plagued me since I was in primary school, where I was one of the biggest in class. This went on to secondary school where I was one of the heaviest.
I hated my body and wanted to be slim like the other girls. I took up sports but instead of losing weight, I became even bigger, so I started to take slimming pills in Secondary 4. My weight dropped, but it was because I was suppressing my appetite and only eating one meal a day.
Fast forward to adult life, I started working and had no time for any form of physical activity. My weight ballooned and I was not able to wear most of my fitting clothes anymore as they were too tight! I started to buy oversized clothes so that I can hide my undesirable body. It was tough – I went from a size M to L and then to XL.
People repeatedly asked if I was pregnant and it upset me greatly each time I heard it. I didn’t want to show my emotions hence I put up a front and shrugged these comments off with a joke. It was not an easy feat, as I was going through some rough patches in my life at that point of time as well.
I sought solace in alcohol almost every day and partying every other night was my happy pill. I enjoyed it because I would momentarily forget my troubles when I was intoxicated. That was how I led my life for two years and it was really bad because my work got affected and my body was getting bigger and bigger.
One day, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and I freaked out. I dragged my sister Lynn out of bed to head out for a short run and that was the toughest 2.4km we ever ran in our lives. Both of us used to be sportswomen in our younger days, but we struggled really badly that day.
That’s when I decided to end the unhealthy lifestyle.
We started to eat healthily, we stopped our crazy drinking days and we ran on alternate days, slowly increasing the distance. Our dreadful 2.4km gradually became 10km over a period of two years. My weight dropped but I still felt my legs were big, so I went to the gym to build the other parts of the body. That didn’t work so I went back to running again, but I started to find it mundane and boring.
This was where we discovered Rock The Naked Truth (RTNT) through a former colleague. She had participated in a fitness competition that RTNT conducted a training session for and I went online to search more. Together with Lynn, we decided to attend one of their ROCKrunners sessions.
All this time, I’ve only been exercising with Lynn and this year we actually made a pact to exercise with like-minded people and widen our fitness circle, so thank God for RTNT! Everyone is so friendly and bubbly, crazy at times, but I’ve never felt so comfortable in a group before and that’s what kept us coming back.
Unfortunately, life took a turn for the worse shortly after I joined them and I fell back into a dark place. I couldn’t function with all the added stress and problems, and my immunity crashed too. I just wanted to be alone; so even though I signed up for RTNT events, I kept missing them.
That was the darkest period in my life and I didn’t know how to continue on. My life just revolved around work and home. I stopped exercising. I stopped socialising. I ate nonsense to comfort myself. I even stopped meeting my sister. It was just hell crazy.
One fine Saturday, Lynn managed to drag me out to a ROCKrunners session and I really thank her for that. I realised this is my happy pill. I allowed myself to open up and we have grown a lot closer. I feel the love. I feel something I haven’t felt for the longest time. Now I’m almost back to my normal self.
I’ve been actively attending several of the RTNT events such as ROCKbounce, ROCKdance and more, and I feel immense happiness with this crazy bunch of people. With renewed motivation, I finally signed up for a half marathon – something I thought I would never ever be able to do.
To be brutally frank, I am not entirely happy with how my life is now, but I have made great progress in recovery. Slowly but surely. With the support that I get from this community, I am sure I will recover fully one fine day. It’s hard not to when there’s so much love, care and concern from this second family of mine! I always look forward to meeting them every Saturday morning for our weekly ROCKrunners session.
To be brutally frank, I am not entirely happy with how my body looks like now, but I am happy that I am learning how to love it and how to rock it. I enjoy working out and eating healthily, and I no longer drive my body towards that ideal body image anymore.
Sometimes, you have to step back in order to move forward. Sometimes, you have to lose something in order to gain something better. You are in no competition with anyone. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Now I am looking forward to run my first ever half marathon, together with the many loves of my life in ROCKrunners. Thank you guys, this one’s for you.
ROCKstar of the Month is a monthly award given to an inspiring individual who advocates a positive mindset and living an active lifestyle (see full requirements below).
Requirements to be a ROCKstar of the Month awardee:
